I'm only passing through...
For Dominique
Published on March 1, 2004 By new-age nomad In Misc
I came home a few hours early from school today. I threw myself on the couch and sobbed uncontrolably; there was no one left to watch---no one left to hender me from letting it go.

I wished I could have fallen asleep, or at least just laid there in a daze with no thoughts to bring the facts back. But, unfortunately, those thoughts of mine never do stop. I picked myself up and slowly walked through every room in our apartment trying to decide what to do next. I'm not too good at the grieving process.

I turned on the television in my roomates bedroom, then quickly hit the power button again. It hurt too much to know that life does not stop when I need it to. I finally decided on my own room, with my own book, with my own music. Now, after putting in a cd, I was hitting power on my stereo. Italian words I have no comprehension of, that I didn't wish to understand at the moment, floated through the room---through my head.

I lay down on my tiny little bed and picked up my book. After reading the same paragraph a dozen times, I decided to give up on that and just listen. Listen to what? I don't know. As I looked around my room I began to regret hanging up all those posters of various celebrities. I suddenly felt hundreds of eyes on me, watching---watching the tears slide down my cheeks onto my pillow, watching me avoid talking to God, watching me be vulnerable...that's not something I enjoy. I wanted to rip them down, I wanted to make sure they knew this was my room; I could actually control what happened to THEM.

Then I just lay there in the most uncomfortable position imaginable. I was crippled by my pain, hurting too much to adjust myself, not even wanting to be comfortable for fear of being selfish. My unwashed hair lay in tendrals over my tears, mixing with them until they dried and trapped the strands there, stuck to my face. That pain in my head, not so much a headache from crying, but more of a reminder that I was still conscious, this was still real. Damnit.

My friend died last night.

Trinitie

Comments (Page 1)
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on Mar 01, 2004
I am so, so sorry. I know there are no words for this, so I'm sure I'm not helping, but just know that I'm praying for you, and the family/friends of your friend, whoever s/he may be. Just remember, when all else fails, and everything and everyone seems so far away, God understands.
on Mar 01, 2004
I know this will be hard for you... I heard from your sister earlier and I've been waiting for this article since... but please believe that you will never lack for prayer and support. I think the others here will back me up on that.

I love you Trin. ()

~Dan
on Mar 01, 2004
I'm verry sorry to hear that Trin... As Dan said, we're here for you. I know how you feel, I've had friends die...so I know what you're going through. We love you Trin, hang in there.
on Mar 01, 2004
If Mug were next to you, he would give you a big Mug Hug.

Our thoughts are with you Trin
on Mar 01, 2004
Hey Trin...

My love, too, to you.

Just want to let you know I understand what you're going through, I understand all of it, and if you want to "correspond" (hehe) I'm right here with anything you do or dont want to hear... at agenta_l@msn.com

Anything you need, I'm right there.

~Anne
on Mar 01, 2004
I'm so sorry. Losing a friend is really hard--especially to death. Grieve the way you need to for as long as you need to grieve. Don't worry about God. He's watching over you. You may be angry at him right now, but he's not to blame. Let him love you.
on Mar 01, 2004
I'm not upset with God at all. Just detached, I wish I was mad at God; that would make him more tangible. I can't seem to find Him is the problem.

Trinitie
on Mar 02, 2004
God is represented by all your friends who mourn with you. God Bless.
on Mar 02, 2004
I pray that you find God in this time of need.

even now Jesus is holding you in his arms... allow yourself to feel his soothing arms around you...

you have many many friends here on this site, and we all love you.

we're all sad to hear this news...
on Mar 02, 2004
Trinitie, there is a simple truth about God, that is He never changes.
He once said that He would never leave you, and He never has. It is only a matter of what He said, when we can't see, or feel Him moving, it does not change. It's true that God can do all things, but there are just a few that He cannot do and one of those things is He cannot break a promise. What are God's promises to you?
on Mar 02, 2004
It's true that God can do all things, but there are just a few that He cannot do


That only makes sense to one long in the church. (This is a comment for those who are reading this from an atheistic or agnostic perspective.) What he means is that while God can do everything, there are many things that God won't do, simply because it directly opposes his nature. "God is not a man that he should lie."

Just didn't want the concept of omnipotence to take a hit because of a helpful comment.

~Dan
on Mar 02, 2004
Trin:

I wish i had some sage words of wisdom to offer, but I don't.

All I can say is that I love you, and that I'm here for you..we're all here for you.

Namaste, my friend...

Karen
on Mar 02, 2004
Thinking of you...
on Mar 02, 2004
Trinitie why havn't you called

You know i love you and i will do anything you need me to do for you
Who was it please calll

love your sister
Tancie
on Mar 02, 2004
The name is in the subtitle of her article, Tancie.

Still praying, Trin.

~Dan
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