I’m glad life isn’t simple.

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that my life will always be tough.  I will always struggle to keep my head above water.  There will always be oil leaks, and roaches, and unpaid citations and electric bills, and sometimes I’ll have to find something to pawn so I can buy gas to get to work the next day.  Friends will often be hurt by what I do or don’t say or do, and relationships will be broken.  I will fail in forgiveness and humility, and pride will consume me.  I will always have to pray to God to get me through another day with a smile on my face and dreams in my soul.

Whether or not I bring these things on myself does not matter.  It doesn’t matter in the least.

It doesn’t matter because there will always be poetry and rainbows on sidewalks.  There will always be oranges and Mexicans on warm days.  I will always find men that will tip their hats when I flash them a flirtatious smile.  There will be French inhales and hookahs named Sultan.  There will be open car windows, loud music, and warm, Texas wind.  The art of dance will live forever, and one day it may evolve into something my friend created one night in his bedroom.  There will be kisses, and nuggles, and intertwined fingers, and there will always, always be love.

I once believed that we had to work every minute of our lives to get to our ultimate goal, whatever that may be for each individual.  I used to think that we had to use every ounce of energy each day to live life to it’s fullest. 

It isn’t true.  Not for me, anyway.  Sometimes, life can’t be about following dreams or making things happen or persevering or setting goals.  Sometimes it’s all we can do to just breathe and make it through another day.  Focusing on survival is necessary sometimes, and ignoring bills and deadlines for rising opportunities isn’t automatically detrimental.  It’s a bit like being stopped at a red light in the middle of the night when no other cars are around.  Although the purpose seems hidden or even nonexistant, it's simply delayed.  And, a lot of delicious pondering happens in those moments.   

For me, those times are always the one I look back on with delight.  It seems that monumental growth spurts occur only when I’m not focusing on growth.  I just read in a book that God gave us everything that we needed to be happy on the day of our birth.

And the beauty of it all is, I’m happiest eating oranges and listening to music in my oil leaking car with the bumper tied on than I could ever be anywhere else.

Trinitie