Of course there was always the desire to be with him, as far as that would carry her. She wanted him to breath only her scent and for his needs to be met by her presence alone. Whether it was caused by nature or environment, she wanted what everyone wanted: to call the person she saw as perfection and loved with a heart that he invented... her very own... and for him to feel the same way.

But, beyond that...more than that...she wanted to crawl inside of him, live inside of him, be him. She wanted his heart to pump blood through her veins and his brain to conduct her doings. She wanted to see the world as he did, with all his courage and discipline and passion and knowledge and.....love – such an intense love that not many could grasp or even handle. She wanted to know what it was like to be so sure of oneself, to live deliberately and make decisions with a certain end in mind, sometimes sacrificing present happiness and even relationships.

She craved a blessed life, a faith that would catch her fall, a God that wasn't always disappointed, and a purpose. She wanted to speak with elegance, to write with ease, and to think with focus. What did it feel like to finish things you started? To believe in what you were doing? To let go of a fear of failure and learn new things?

Knowing that she was not even worth the friendship he allowed, she did not try to fool herself into thinking he would ever return her adoration. Regardless of how she was perceived because of her words and actions, she lived in reality. Her world had become one that no longer catered to her fantasies; she was an adult now. She simply did not want to take that away from anyone that hadn't lost it yet, for it was all she could do to keep going.

One word from him, though, and an entire lifetime of reality could be erased.

Trinitie