I’ll always be a cynic when it comes to New Year’s resolutions.  I’ll always believe that there’s no time like the present to revaluate ourselves and make changes where necessary.  Nonetheless, an annual reminder to do so is well appreciated, and the new year tends to refresh the soul and give the heart a sense of new beginnings.  And while it seems that resolutions are meant to be broken, we still make them year after year.  It’s the hope that makes us human, that keeps us alive at all.

To set the stage for my new year of well-being, I will follow a cliché and opt for a healthier lifestyle.  Starting college scares me a bit; I’ve been warned of the “freshmen fifteen”.  While working, there was no worry about not getting enough exorcise.  I’m not only frightened of my outward appearance, but a lack of those “happy chemicals” everyone tells us somehow travel to the brain while our body is in movement.  I’ve never really believed that chemicals control mood, but every little thing helps.

After my mind is at ease about my body, I will work on my heart.  I will guard my heart from those who choose to care as little about me as possible, and I will try to let down that wall for those who deserve to be let in.  I will ensure that everyone I love knows it, at all times.  As cliché as that line sounds (and as cliché as it is for me to use the word twice in one essay) putting it into practice is one of the hardest things I have ever tried doing.  Awkwardness always seems to creep in, or anger will leap out when least expected.  I will contribute encouragement, not only to loved ones but to passive acquaintances, through the writing of at least one letter a week containing their worthy qualities, challenges to let them know they can be more, and an offering of friendship where it is needed.

After body and heart, come the mind and soul.  I will compel myself to write daily, be it in a blog, in a journal, or in a letter.  Writing forces me to look at myself carefully; it helps me to see myself clearly.  Looking at ourselves without steam on the mirror can be scary, but very constructive.  I will refuse to let my joy (I’m leery of using the word “contentment” here because of my distaste for it’s connotations) be altered by circumstances.  I will allow myself to float away on positive or negative emotion, but my state of mind will never falter.  I am here for one purpose, and only obstacles that keep me from that purpose should cause me discontent.

I will try to think before I speak, saying only things that edify.  The word “edify” here means to instruct and improve, or to enlighten or inform.  “Edify” is a beloved word of mine due to its ability to hold so much meaning in five letters.  Why shouldn’t every word that comes out of our mouths instruct, improve, enlighten, or inform?  Does that mean it’s all going to be rainbows and daffodils?  Not at all; enlightening occasionally takes a little tough love, but I sometimes forget the difference between that and being hateful to satisfy my vengeful desires.  Also, I’m a terrible listener, and it takes everything in me to will myself to not drift in and out of what someone is saying.  I will try though, because what others have to say is important, and if I expect my voice to be heard at all, I must first change things from my side.

I’m excited about my first day of college, and I have a strong desire to learn new things.  But, just as with everyone else, I get distracted, I procrastinate, and I get lazy.  I will combat my tendencies and hope that my education serves a purpose in my life.  I hope my daily life is an education, and I will continue to open my eyes to what God wants me to learn.  I will try, for once, to look for solutions instead of simply stating the problem.

Last, but not least, two very precious girls have been placed in my life this holiday season.  Two step-sisters now live close to me, close enough to visit, close enough to touch their minds, and close enough to let them know that someone who has a little saneness is around.  I want to be a good big sister.  I’m the youngest of seven blood siblings, and I’ve never had this opportunity.  It’s terrifying, but refreshing, to know that there are now two little hearts that can be changed by my actions.  I have been shaped by all of my siblings, some more than others. I only hope I can have that kind of impact on the lives of my two new little sisters.  I’ve always been the baby, and now I have a chance to be in the driver’s seat. 

I hope all of you out in cyber space decide to revaluate who you are and what you hope to be.  It’s invigorating, and I hope it’s not in vain.

Trinitie