Family and Why it Sucks

Grrrrrrr

Published on February 8, 2004 By new-age nomad In Personal Relationships

Let me give you a little background on my sis, Tancie (more commonly know as Toots by myself). She is more of a nomad than myself, and is never in the place I expect her to be. I see her about once a year, which is a little unnerving because we were best friends our entire lives, and that's hard to let go of. She chases after anyone who will call her beautiful, but can't seem to hang on to relationships (although she has been "engaged" about 50 times). She's 19. AND SHE SUCKS. I am so incredibly angry with her right now. The thing about our relationship is that she is in control, and she likes it. I never have any idea where she is or how to contact her, so it's up to her fancy to decide when we communicate. It's simply not fair, and I don't want to put up with it anymore. She knows I love her way too much to just completely cut her out of my life, so she treats me unfairly without remorse. Plus, she turns it around on me and says I'm condescending and "holier-than-thou". I can't help it if she's an idiot and I'm not. We all have choices.

She just sent me an email calling me a "white trash asshole". Despite the amusing aspect of this statement, I was hurt. Not because of the statement, mind you, but because she knows she has the power to hurt my feelings and she uses it. (not too many people have that power over me, as it should be) I am just so sick of games it makes me sick to my stomach.

I want to scream at the world, "WHY CAN'T YOU BE REAL SO I CAN TOO, BECAUSE THIS IS NOT FUN FOR ME ANYMORE!!!!!"

Family is the worst. If you have one of those Seventh Heaven families, good for you. But this article is for people who understand my point of view. Sometimes I think, "They shouldn't have the right to call themselves my relative, they did nothing for that kind of privilege." Cocky, maybe, but honest. I know I'm not perfect and I piss them off also, but why can't I choose my own family?

I want a divorce, and I know I'm wrong in this, so no cheesy advice. I read a recent article in a magazine about that fact that when we enable a person to step outside of God's will (i.e. Myself letting Tancie be cruel and unfair), that we are sinning just as badly as they are. I tend to agree. I know God puts us with certain families for reasons beyond our comprehension, and that maybe I WILL understand it someday, but for now, I want to gripe.

Anyone with a family that sucks, comment please.

Trinitie

Comments (Page 1)

crimson

on Feb 08, 2004

I can relate, but I don't think that my family really sucks anymore. I can say that my relationship with my twin is, at the same time, both the best thing and the worst thing in the world.
When my sister and I get along it is fabulous. We have a lot of things to talk about, and can pretty much say anything we want to say about anything and anyone without any fear of it going beyond us. Sometimes, even with good friends, you have to hold back a little. It is so easy to wreck a friendship with just a few unthought words.
Therein lies the problem.
We can be absolutely horrible to each other. Mean, nasty, hurtful, spiteful, and ferocious in our moments of anger. I wouldn't take that kind of crap from a friend; but it seems like I take a lot of it from her. (And, to be fair, vice versa.)
So, we try our best. We know the warning signs of big fights that are looming in the horizon.
And, I guess we both know that we are stuck together. The good far outweighs the bad.
Good luck with you and your sister. Maybe you need a break. Maybe more words are in order. Who knows? I am thinking of you and hope you both get through it.

new-age nomad

on Feb 08, 2004

Thank you Nicky,

You pointed out that with family, unlike in friendships, no matter what you say, no matter how cruel, they're usually still gonna be there. I see the difference now. Thanx again.

Trinitie

imajinit

on Feb 08, 2004

i think i kinda know where you're coming from...

my family has pissed me off more than once. and i've pissed them off too. There are some i'm closer to than others. My brother and i used to be really close, until he got married...
... this is the paragraph where i give you the advice that you said you didn't want... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and that's all i have to say about that...

in the end, i know that they're the only family i've got, so I stick with 'em... that's why i'm going back to my roots when i retire... family is family and roots are roots... that's my new catchphrase these days

btw, if you get a chance please read my "simple answer to a complex question" blog... it's the best piece of writing i have posted, but no one has read it... that's very discouraging...

Locamama

on Feb 08, 2004

You can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives, an unfortunate fact of life. I have had my feelings hurt mainly by my mom and I tell myself I don't care but if I didn't care it wouldn't hurt. I have since decided that my hubby and kids are my "real" family. I try to be civil and polite with my family but I do not go out of my way to see them - they live across the country and none of them have ever visited me since I moved out when I was 18. Though I must admit that I am jealous of friends who have close relationships with their family. I feel like that is how its supposed to be and that I somehow got gipped in that department.

imajinit

on Feb 08, 2004

btw: you're pretty damn talented yourself...

write on write on

Tangled Wishes

on Feb 09, 2004

I know how it sucks to have bad relationships with your family. Or even just to fight with them. My dad can be an asshole a LOT of the time, and it REALLY bugs me. I often find it hard to be in the same BUILDING with him, so I try to spend a lot of time from home, and all that stuff, but then he always does things to surprise me, like buying me chocolates, or letting me drive his '02 Chevy Silverado. It's nice.
My sister and I NEVER got along until, oh, three years ago? She has a lot of severe mental issues, and there isn't a person in my family who really gets along with her. I'm pretty much the only one who can see her, now, without screaming at her, and sometimes I want to, too... I just don't feel it's as much my business as my parents, or whatever. I don't have any advice, either, really! Which is good, since you're not looking for it... Just ranting.
Is your sister doing this to purposely hurt you, or is it because she herself is hurting? That's a good question to ask.
My sister is addicted to meth, and about 90 pounds, and while she IS hurting the rest of ur family, she herself is miserable, and it's a scary situation. No one knows what to do.... I guess the only thing a person CAN do is love their family. Even though it's tough, sometimes it's what they need more than anything. You know?

new-age nomad

on Feb 09, 2004

That was a sneaky way of giving advice, Tangled. Haha.

Muggaz

on Feb 09, 2004

Wow... you have no idea how relevant this is to me right now... i was gonna write a blog on it.. but why cram the server? hehe...

Ok... This morning my brother take my black belt from my pants, cause he likes it.

Now, I need this black belt for work… he can get away with a mildly coloured one, but my boss is anal about appearance, and he has every right to be.

I gave my brother the ultimatum of lending me the belt, or I don’t drive him to the train station this morning… of course I asked nicely first…

He just stubbornly walked off… and then he emailed me before and said because of my stunt this morning, he let my tyre down at the train station. He thought I would fall for that… he wouldn’t be so stupid…

Anyway… my brother is only 2 years younger than me, and I can confidently say he is my best friend, but he uses the younger brother, ‘you owe me something’ card all the time, because he knows I love him and would do anything for him.

We have sorted it all out over emails this morning, but its true the people you love the most have the capacity to hurt you the most.

new-age nomad

on Feb 09, 2004

Haha, sorry not laughing at your pain, I just found the whole belt story wildly amusing. Ok, stone face.

Thank you Muggaz

imajinit

on Feb 09, 2004

Trin! i need your help! the Plutonites have abducted my love!

Dan Kaschel

on Feb 09, 2004

My family rocks.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose. That's all I have to say.

~Dan

Locamama

on Feb 09, 2004

Dan - you think you're hot snot but you're really just cold boogers. That's all I have to say.

PoetPhilosopher

on Feb 10, 2004

I sometimes wonder if you are truely obligated to love your family more through all the ups and downs than you would someone else. Is blood so strong? What if you were adopted, would you feel the same obligation to your blood family ? If not, then is it simply living with them while you are growing up - going thru the same things with them ? If that is the case, well surely you can be a lot closer to someone other than your sister. If it is truely destructive to both sides then sometimes it is best to let go. My mother always said "whatever else happens your family is always there" - but in my experience, my closest friends have "always" been there.

I dunno.

Sherye Hanson

on Feb 10, 2004

When I was in my thirties, I divorced my family. I would see them once every three or four years. This continued until my father became ill and I went to visit my parents and stay through the funeral and was the last of my family to leave. Since then I have reconciled with two of my brothers and my mother. After all those years of being away from them, we have all gotten more civilized. We don't deliberately try to hurt each other any more. I found for my own mental health I had to cut them out of my life. I was able to heal from the abuse and so that I could be myself, a genuinely caring person, instead of the bad girl my family perceived me to be. Families have a way of putting you into a role and expecting you to fill it. Stepping out of that role and becoming genuine is what saved my relationships with my family members.

JeremyG

on Feb 10, 2004

You love your sister?

It sounds like you love her for selfish reasons and don't love her for the person she is. "I love her but i neve rknow how ot get in touch with her"....."Why can't she be *REAL*"

I'm sure your very upset that your sister doesnt conform to being in the places you think she should, and acting the way you think is "real". You do sound condecending.

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