I came home a few hours early from school today. I threw myself on the couch and sobbed uncontrolably; there was no one left to watch---no one left to hender me from letting it go. I wished I could have fallen asleep, or at least just laid there in a daze with no thoughts to bring the facts back. But, unfortunately, those thoughts of mine never do stop. I picked myself up and slowly walked through every room in our apartment trying to decide what to do next. I'm not too good at...

After going to another AA meeting with my sister and her teacher friend tonight, we went for ice cream at the Marble Slab. Debbie had a friend who was going to be there that night and wanted to introduce me because me and this chick are around the same age. She's all like, "Oh, Trin, you'll love her, she's really spiritual." Yeah, like I'm spiritual...haha. Anywho, what I'm saying is, in the back of mind, without even realizing it, I was praying the girl wouldn't be there. I have in...

Alright, I never claimed to be a poet. I was just trying to write a counter-point article on Imajinit's psychology post, and everything that came out contradicted itself. (This doesn't mean you've won Michael.) Anywho, I promise I'll never write poetry again, but I dedicate this to anyone who's ever left a comment on my blog. Please don't be harsh, this is like the 2nd (and probably the last) poem I'll ever write. Take nothing I say as absolute truth About myself or my position I'm a...

It's Christmas morning; I'm in the 2nd grade. I jump out of bed and go sit near the tiny tree I got to help pick out not too long ago. My siblings, Kameron and Tancie, were on either side of me, and I'm waiting for that one special gift I'd been asking for all year. I pick up the first gift labeled "To: Trinitie, From: Santa". It was one of those hollow, cheap barbies we got every year from Dollar General. You know the ones with no hair and 3 colored wigs you can switch out. I hat...

I hate the world around me. I hate the blind people. I hate that no one understands the beauty the world posesses. So, I read. I read books about people who have lived in the ghetto, in the slums. Repeated phrases include, "I need to get out of here before I get stuck like everyone else". Whoa. I highlight. I feel, that maybe, somehow, I'll leave a trace of how I feel behind so that others may see the truth. I journal. Sometimes I feel that writing is secretly a defense of my l...

I've spoken many times of my obsession with the passenger seat of vehicles. I never really wanted to learn to drive because of my intense love of that seat. It was where I slept when I lived in the car with my mom, it's where the radio controller sits, it's where you don't have to worry about staying inside the lines, you only have to look at the night sky through the windshield, which I ultimately think makes the sky more beautiful. It's like, if you wanna reach out and touch it, you can, the g...

You will ask me to dance, and I will accept, only to push you away before the song is over. I will say I love a challenge, only to run when one arises. I use my past as a defense, as if I'm the only one who had it rough, as if that will somehow justify my present. My mind says that success is measured by obstacles overcome, which may be true, but how can I be sure if it was I who crossed the broken bridges? My heart is filled with a song, a bittersweet song, one of triumph and defeat, o...

When I disclose information about myself so nonchalantly to friends and even strangers, I often get confused and often ecclectic responses to my life experiences. For instance, when I tell people I lived in a vehicle for about a year and that I have, in fact, lived in a park, they look at me with not only pity, but bewilderment. Here's the deal. It's not that uncommon. So many people are sheltered from seeing that, yes, people do indeed live like that---even here in the great United S...

Do you ever just sleep when you're feeling down...just to escape the world? I slept far too long today. When I woke up, I only felt sick to my stomach. Sleeping as a remedy = not such a good idea. My problem? I can't love people. It's simply not in my power. I sat down to write a note of encouragement to my roomate, Kami, on her 24th birthday, and all that kept going through my head were all the things that aggravate me about the girl. I simply could not bring myself to write down...

I like the lake by my parents trailer. I like it mostly just after winter's over, and the boats began to reappear. I like to sit on the dock and make shapes with my toes in the water. I like that I can't even feel the cold air around me because my thoughts take me away from reality. I even like it when I snap back and feel that sudden shock. I like that point when the last boat disappears around the bend in the lake and I'm alone---that means I can sing at the top of my lungs. I li...

I walk into the "Glass House" tonight and here is what I observe: I see multiple people with shaking hands because of lack of nicotine in their system, trying to survive in a non-smoking environment. I smell coffee---very, very strong coffee. I hear those gut wrenching, hacking coughs that only come from years of substance abuse. I see furrowed brows and smirks of contentment. I guess that's what separates the old from the new. A man across from me in a leather jacke...

Another day of babysitting...IT WAS GREAT!!! I had a little soul revitalization tonight. Usually, I try to keep the kids occupied with mind numbing television shows or playstation games. Not tonight. I ran Jacob some bath water then went in the living room to braid Cathlene's hair for her. I had my hair braided when I came over and I guess she thought it was the ultimate in cool. So, I sit for a while forming tiny little braids all over this tiny little head and I start to pon...

Today after first period, I took a different route to Webmastering. Today in the gym, I removed my headphones and listened to the people around me. Today at lunch, I sat at a different table, and made new friends. Isn't change beautiful? If we're not not willing to do it, nothing better will ever come. We may be safe, but nothing new and exciting will ever happen. Ponder that. As I walked down a different hall, I saw new faces, new people said, "Hey Trin!" I loved it. ...

I'm 19 years old now. Momentous occasions such as birthdays allow me to ignore the future for a moment, and pick through the past. They allow me to acknowlege that sometimes the turning of the page comes without us knowing it; it's only after time has changed us that we can understand how important certain things were. My 18th year brought me a lot of firsts, my first blog, for instance. This little piece of the internet has forced me to search myself in order to share who I am with othe...

There's a bridge about a mile up the road from my house crossing a river. I walk there often and sit on the ledge to watch the water divide as the boats and jetskis pass over it. Recently, as I was sitting there, 4 tatooed teenagers (2 guys and 2 girls) walked up from the dock. I assume they felt comfortable talking to me because of my piercing and the ignorance that follows most people. One of the chicks in a bikini inquired as to whethor or not it would be safe to jump into the water fr...